every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
