I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
