there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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