I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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