Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Randomize
