So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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