you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
