look no pants
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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