Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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