we're blogging at a bar
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
