I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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