My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
