Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
