worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
