drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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