Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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