she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
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