2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
This is the high leading the old right now
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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