Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
