Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
