Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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