U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
