She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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