PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
