just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
