on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
