She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
