Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
