You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
