i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
