Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
