my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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