Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Randomize
