Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
