He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
