i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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