I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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