You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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