Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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