he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
