Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
