So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
