This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
farters have to be the big spoon...
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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