You just made me feel so damn special
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
