No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Randomize
