How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I cut my penus on the lid.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
