i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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