dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
