I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
