Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
