Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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