so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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