so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I licked your asshole in confidence.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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